


Living Adventurously

by kitkatwrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Everything Hurts, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, inspired by Strawberry Blond by Mitski, sorry y’all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatwrites/pseuds/kitkatwrites
Summary: “Shinsuke likes to think of himself as the expert in being, though it gets a bit lonely sometimes because he’s never lived.”Or, the tragic love story of one Kita Shinsuke falling for Miya Atsumu.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu (one sided), Miya Atsumu/Original Male Character(s), Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 106





	Living Adventurously

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! You clicked on this fic! To read it! That’s pretty cool, thanks for that.
> 
> Warning for brief mentions of underage sex there’s nothing even remotely graphic but I just wanted to let y’all know.
> 
> Uhh enjoy?

“I’m gonna say somethin’ and ya can’t judge, got it?” Atsumu asks with a serious look on his face.

They’re at a summer training camp; it’s Shinsuke’s second year and Atsumu’s first, yet the setter has already latched onto Shinsuke like a third parent. Shinsuke is happy to fill that role; gods know that Atsumu can barely take care of himself, and his brother’s no help at all.

Shinsuke gives Atsumu a nod and wiggles his toes as they brush against blades of grass, watching the rest of their teammates from the top of the hill they’re seated on.

Atsumu takes a deep breath.

“I think I like boys.”

He watches for Shinsuke’s reaction, but Shinsuke mastered the art of the blank stare years ago, so Atsumu goes back to looking at bumble bees as they buzz around each other in search of pollen.

“Am I tha first person ya told?” Shinsuke asks.

Atsumu nods. “I feel like Samu would just needle me ‘bout it an’ there’s no way I’m tellin’ my parents. I dunno how they’d react.”

He stares at Shinsuke again with wide, trusting eyes that plead for a positive response.

“I don’t think there’s anythin’ wrong with likin’ boys, yer free to do what ya wanna do with yer life,” Shinsuke tells him. “Is there anyone yer into?”

Atsumu hums. “Maybe, I’ll let ya know if I am.”

-_-_-_-

Thus begins the close but not quite intimate relationship between Shinsuke and Atsumu.

-_-_-_-

Atsumu begins to come to Shinsuke with secrets and questions and concerns that he wouldn’t dare let others hear, not even his own brother. He tells him of the boy in his class with jet black hair and matching eyes that make his head spin, and how when he stumbled over his words in a presentation the boy was the only one in his class not to laugh.

How they met up for lunch to compare homework answers and when their knees pressed together the boy didn’t move away, nor when their hands brushed together and Atsumu linked his pinky over the boy’s.

Atsumu tells Shinsuke, blushing furiously, how the boy asked if he wanted to come over after school. How after sitting in his bedroom for twenty minutes, pretending to do homework, the boy leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Atsumu’s lips. He tasted like artificial strawberries, and Atsumu’s chest bubbled like the ramune sitting on the boy’s desk.

-_-_-_-

Two months after their kiss, Atsumu tugs on Shinsuke’s shirt with a  _ look  _ and Shinsuke promises to talk to him after practice.

They sit down on the locker room benches long after everyone leaves and Shinsuke watches Atsumu twist his fingers silently until he decides to speak.

“He wants ta have sex.”

Shinsuke blinks once, then twice, trying to decide if he heard him correctly. Atsumu remains silent.

“How d’ya feel abou’ it?” Shinsuke asks gently.

“I mean,” Atsumu sighs as he lifts his shoulders. “Part of me is real excited. But another part of me is just…nervous? I mean, I’m still pretty young, y’know?”

“I think,” Shinsuke begins, “ya two shoul’ talk about it. As a couple. Voice yer worries ta him, and tha two of ya can come to a solution together.”

Atsumu chuckles. “Isn’t tha’ what yer for Kita-san? Someone I can voice my worries ta?”

“I can only help so much,” Shinsuke tells him. “Talk ta him. Voice yer concerns as a couple.”

Atsumu smiles gratefully at him. “Thanks Kita-san.”

Shinsuke smiles back, albeit with much more love in his heart for the boy. After all, after being privy to all the intimate details of his heart, Shinsuke can’t help but fall for him.

-_-_-_-

Shinsuke waits. He waits for Atsumu to once again return to his soft embrace and soothing words that fill Atsumu with confidence, and Shinsuke with pride.

He waits, and Atsumu doesn’t come.

-_-_-_-

It’s January now, and Shinsuke’s third year is looming closer than ever. He is picked for captain and the third years begin to pile more responsibilities onto him. He doesn’t mind.

-_-_-_-

Atsumu isn’t at practice. Actually, he hasn’t been to practice in three days. Shinsuke asks Osamu, but all his brother says is that he’s ‘sick’.

Shinsuke can see the lie in Osamu’s eyes.

On the fourth day, Osamu comes to him after practice.

“Ya used ta talk ta Sumu a lot, right?” Osamu asks. “He’d always talk ta ya and then when he was done he always seemed real happy.”

Shinsuke nods. “We used ta. I haven’ talked ta him that much lately.”

“Could’ya talk ta him now?” Osamu grips his backpacks straps and stares down at his shoes. “He hasn’ been himself lately. Won’ come outta his bed for love or money an’ I’m startin’ to worry.”

“Of course,” Shinsuke tells him. He ignores how his heart skips a beat at the prospect of seeming Atsumu again.

Osamu nods and leads him home. They walk up the stairs to Atsumu’s room, and Shinsuke can feel his heart  _ ba-bump  _ with every step he takes.

Osamu knocks on the closed door, much more considerate than Shinsuke has ever seen him for his brother.

“Sumu?” Osamu calls, “I’ve got someone here ta see ya.”

The other side of the door is silent, and Osamu opens it anyway.

Atsumu’s room is surprisingly neat, all things considered. The only clutter is the sheer amount of volleyball posters that cover the walls, some even sticking to the ceiling. Atsumu is enveloped by his blankets with only his mop of bleached hair sticking out.

“‘M gonna leave tha two of ya together, just call me if ya need me,” Osamu tells them before leaving and shutting the door behind him.

Shinsuke moves to sit next to Atsumu on his bed, careful not to jostle him.

“Atsumu-kun.”

Shinsuke watches Atsumu shrink in on himself, but remains silent.

“Wha’ happened?”

Atsumu doesn’t respond, so Shinsuke sighs and begins to study Atsumu’s posters. He always talks when he’s ready.

After a couple of minutes, Atsumu speaks.

“He cheated on me,” Atsumu confesses. “Found him makin’ out with some girl from a differen’ class. Wanna know wha’ he said when I confronted him?” Atsumu asks, venom laced in his words.

“Wha’?”

“He tol’ me I was an  _ experiment _ ,” Atsumu spits. “Who dates someone for  _ months _ , ha-has  _ sex _ with them, an’ then decides they’re done cause it was all an  _ experiment _ .”

Atsumu’s body shakes under his blankets, muffled sobs filling Shinsuke’s ears.

“He’s straight,” Atsumu sobs, “he’s straight and he  _ doesn’ love me _ .”

Shinsuke presses a soft hand on Atsumu’s body and the boy jumps. Shinsuke keeps his hand there, and eventually begins to rub gentle motions on top of him.

“There’s nothin’ ya could’ve done abou’ tha’ in the end,” Shinsuke admits, “I’m sorry. Not everyone yer gonna meet is gonna be sweet, or funny, or whatever qualities ya like. It’s unfortunate tha’ this one turned out so badly. Ya deserve better.”

Atsumu sniffles and rolls over, the blankets pulling down just enough to reveal his face; his eyes are red and coupled with eye bags that are darker than usual.

Shinsuke holds out his arms and Atsumu sits up to throw himself onto Shinsuke, wrapping his arms around the older boy’s waist. He begins to cry again, his sobs sending vibrations through Shinsuke’s body. He pets Atsumu’s hair and hums songs that his grandmother sang to him when he was young, and imagines a better time.

A time where Atsumu doesn’t know the cruel embrace of heartbreak or the sting of betrayal. A time where he can be happy.

-_-_-_-

Shinsuke’s third year arrives faster than he expects, and by the time it fully sinks in, Atsumu is back to his normal self and Shinsuke has fallen even more hopelessly in love.

Atsumu still comes to Shinsuke to voice his concerns, and Shinsuke is still there to listen. He’s always there to listen.

He’s there when Atsumu tells him in a quiet voice that he saw Sakusa Kiyoomi at the Youth Training Camp and he’s  _ not  _ dating anyone now or anytime soon but Atsumu was so enraptured watching his spikes that he got hit in the head with a ball and he doesn’t have proof per se, but it was definitely Komori Motoya.

Atsumu cries while talking to Shinsuke because he’s both hopelessly in love and scared out of his mind of all the negative endings involving him and Sakusa. Shinsuke holds him and pretends he’s not happy to have Atsumu in his arms.

-_-_-_-

Before he knows it, Shinsuke is graduating.

He is also a coward.

His second button remains secure on his uniform, and words of love and devotion locked up in his heart.

Shinsuke does not confess to the boy he’s loved for years, and then he moves away.

-_-_-_-

Lucky for him, Shinsuke does remain in contact with his old teammates. He goes to games when he can, and his house remains open for anyone needing to talk, or simply to  _ be _ .

Shinsuke likes to think of himself as the expert in  _ being _ , though it gets a bit lonely sometimes because he’s never  _ lived _ .

It’s a coward’s life, he knows that, but it’s also a safe life.

Sometimes he wonders if it’s worth it to prioritize safety over living adventurously.

-_-_-_-

Atsumu still visits. He actually visits the most out of everyone, despite having one of the busiest schedules. He always manages, somehow.

Every time he visits, Shinsuke wonders if it’s finally time to live adventurously, just as Atsumu is.

Every time he decides that no, he’s got plenty of time left to be adventurous.

He decides and decides and decides, until he no longer has any time left.

-_-_-_-

When Shinsuke is 24, Atsumu visits. He has a spring in his step and a light in his eyes that Shinsuke has only ever seen on the court.

Atsumu volunteers to help him in the fields, and as they’re methodically cutting plants and setting them aside to dry, he begins to speak.

“So, me an’ Omi-kun started dating.”

Atsumu destroys Shinsuke’s life with one sentence and doesn’t even realize it.

“Oh?” Shinsuke hopes Atsumu can’t hear how his voice wavers, “how did ya get together?”

“Well,” Atsumu begins, “I was drinkin’ one night and tol’ him abou’ high school, and how I don’ really date cause of it. He was real understandin’, it was nice.”

Atsumu has a smile on his face that he probably doesn’t even realize he has, and a faraway look in his eyes. Shinsuke thinks that this must be what love looks like.

“After a while he confessed an’ promised he was gay,” Atsumu chuckles, “an’ tha’ he woul’ stay with me for as long as we coul’ make it work. He’s kinda blunt like that, didn’ bother promising that we woul’ stay together no matter wha’ cause ‘s no’ a guarantee.”

Atsumu goes back to the rice and Shinsuke’s smile drops. He thinks about how he lost his chance to live adventurously. To live freely.

And oh how it stings.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading I hated myself for writing it lol. I’m sorry Kita I love you I swear, I promise you’re more adventurous in another life, just not this one.
> 
> Talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/gr1lledcheesy)


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